Sitting with Intense Emotions

[nuage solitaire]

Hello. After a Twitter conversation, last night, I was invited to come here. I have been practising daily since May. I have managed to sit with moderately uncomfortable emotions. However, I have hit a brick wall with trying to sit with intense emotions. Since childhood, I have not allowed myself to experience such emotions. I have pushed them away so there is a lot I have bypassed. To become unstuck, and continue to recover, I need to accept these emotions safely. Any positive comments would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Gareth]

So many thanks for posting. I moved the topic because I think that this would come under practicing mindfulness, rather than just general mindfulness questions. This is a really great topic, and it is exactly the kind of question that I envisaged people asking of when I first thought of this forum. We have a few people on here who can give you their opinion, and if you don't mind, I will put the topic out on Twitter too, see if we can't help you.

Let me give you my initial thoughts. Firstly I need to say that I don't think I have probably sat with the intensity of emotions that you are talking about; it has been a massive fear of mine since starting practicing. How would you manage to sit with say something like grief? I really don't know how you would go about sitting with something like that going on in the background. Despite my lack of experience, I think I know what more experienced practicioners might say. I think that they would say that you've just got to sit with it and accept the emotion for what it is. Running from an emotion or hiding from it will only defer it to come back and damage you more at another time. I imagine that a meditation under these conditions would be extremely trying, with the attention being impossible to hold. For true healing and peace, I believe that you have to just be with the emotion and let it run its course, however traumatic. I know someone on Twitter who is trying to practice through a grief-ridden relationship break-up. I'll ask her and the experienced practicioners if they can contribute to this topic.

[mindfulnessforall]

Firstly, the fact you are using meditation to work with these emotions is great! It's not easy - just give it your best shot and try to give up ideas of successful or unsuccessful meditation. There is no success or failure in meditation, just whatever arises for you in that moment.

The key to mindfulness is approaching difficulty with and friendly, open curiosity. When you experience these intense emotions you can just start by acknowledging they are there. Maybe say to yourself 'ok, i'm feeling a really strong emotion here, that's interesting'. From there you can investigate it - does the emotion change? Does it soften or become more intense? Where does it show up in your body? Does it have a shape? Does it have a colour? Does it move around? Taking a playful, friendly approach to this practice can be helpful. If you emotion become more intense just notice that - remember, only go as close in as you want. You can always return to your breath to anchor yourself back in the present moment and then maybe try again if you want to.

Try to be with whatever arises - just hold it in your awareness. And as Gareth mentioned - bring a kindly acceptance to the way you are feeling in that moment. The way you feel is the way you feel and that's ok - you're not trying to get rid of anything here.

I hope that helps! : )

Andy

[nuage solitaire]

Thank you both for your replies. I had a feeling that it would be a case of sitting with it. I practised earlier and was aware that it's my fear that is prominent just before I shut down. I'll continue to sit and be aware of the fear. Maybe, in time, with continued practice, I'll build up my mindfulness muscle and find myself able to eventually sit with the fear and then the intense emotions. Little by little.

Guess it'll be like a flower slowly unfolding its petals and turning towards the sun.

The ideas of colour etc has given me something to focus on and will help me remain present.

Thank you so much. It's not the magic wand or mantra I was hoping for, neither is it going to be an instant occurrence but then again it is a lifetime of bypassed emotions waiting to be acknowledged and finally released.

I'll let you know how I get on in the hope it may help others.

:-)

[rara]

When you experience these intense emotions you can just start by acknowledging they are there.

I would say this is a key starting point yes. I have struggled with anger and frustration to extremes...the way I conquered them was to detach myself from the situation. The moment you realise that you don't have to attach yourself to an emotion, or anything for that matter, the closer you are to eradicating it.

Remain mindful that all it is, is an emotion controlling you. When you decide you want to control the emotion, you'll then be free from it.

[LoveBeforeAllElse]

I will tell you right now that this will do wonders for your life. Don't give up! I found meditation because I was in desperate need of something to help me with my anxiety. I went from being anxiety stricken and having panic attacks daily to becoming the happiest person I know hands down. I had a reoccurring nightmare for 2 weeks straight where I would get stabbed in the chest. I woke up every morning to panic and an intense pain in my chest. Now I'm free from nightmares and really I would go as far to say that I am free from suffering. Like Rara said "Remain mindful that all it is, is an emotion controlling you. When you decide you want to control the emotion, you'll then be free from it."

If you sit in these meditations, if you can become dedicated to overcoming your emotions and becoming the master of them, your life will turn into something to great to put into words. I would recommend learning from your thoughts during these meditations. It's the hardest part of having those intense emotions but you will become radically emotionally intelligent. Try to feel out what thought patterns you keep repeating and remind yourself there is an infinite amount of ways to run your brain. It's a tool for you to use. I promise you that you can do it. Just keep reminding yourself of your intention. In my opinion these meditations are some of the most powerful for self-transformation. You can message me on twitter @lovebeforeallel if you need anything in a more timely manner than on hear lol. I'd love to hear how this is going for you. You create your own reality. It may take a while to realize it totally but once you do, you can turn your life into whatever you want!

[larorra]

Coping with grief through mindfulness is something that I have wondered about too and imagine it would be very difficult to do. reading everyone's replies makes it mote clear and how to cope with strong emotions too. A difficult emotion for me is a feeling of resentment that creeps in from time to time regarding a lo ed one and even though I have repeatedly tried to let go by saying I forgive them for what has been done and accept them for the person they ate and not the person it would want them to be , the negative emotions still creep in and I know I will have to examine it through mindful.ess and hopefully deal with it.

[rara]

@larorra I felt your grief as I read that. I had total fury with a close family member this time last year for a certain situation which has caused a lot of harm on my family. It was the toughest test of my life, but let me tell you a story.

I have many mentors in my life, and they have guided me through the good and bad times. One of which, heard my story, and said to me that if I can forgive this person, the skies will open for me. He also told me that if his advice helped, I should pay it forward, as when we recover from something, we are strong enough to then pay forward the advice or good deed that was passed to us. Of course, prior to him helping me, he had a similar problem....so by paying it forward to me, he was giving thanks for the fact that he is now happy and able to let go.

So, I took his advice...and it was hard, but something awoke in my heart when meditating, which came clear. That only my suffering was a result of my own grudge. I was unhappy, because I chose to be. So I forgave this person...and despite obviously still knowing of what happened, I learned to appreciate that it was a thing of the past, that doesn't inherently exist. Now, we have a stronger relationship than we ever have done...and since I forgave them, and helped them through, they have done no wrong in the last 365 days! Not only that, the skies did open for me...this year has been my far most successful in my professional life, ever!

I guess then, in typical fashion, this is my calling to say to you: find a way to forgive and to let go with this person...once you have, the skies will open for you. All the best.

[larorra]

Thanks for this Rara. This is something I will have to work on but will let you know how I get on through this site.

[here]

For me the most important thing is...

Notice the tendency to push feelings away. Notice your desire to detach from them and pretend they're not there. And allow yourself to be okay with that; to accept it. And if you find it hard to accept it, notice that, too, and have sympathy with yourself about that...

At each point, it's just about compassion towards yourself, really. And if you start giving yourself a hard time, become aware of that and once again, compassion...and maybe back to the breath, or maybe not, who knows?

Why not be mindful of your reactions to your emotions as well as the emotions themselves? If you don't do this it can feel like the emotions are separate to you and you pushing them away is 'real'...whereas in actuality both are 'real' and you can be aware of both these things...the emotions, the responses, the thoughts, and so on.

I think actually sitting down to meditate is the main thing and of course having compassion for yourself each and every step of the way you remember to.

Good luck!