Just realising something

[Deborah1]

I've stuck to my meditating since starting it over a week ago and mostly enjoy it, especially the body scan

After a few good days due to a stressful situation being resolved I woke feeling anxious again and found myself looking back and longing to feel well again. Usually I then begin a litany of at leasts in an attempt to feel grateful. Today I kept reminding myself that this is how things are right now. I kept doing little mindful exercises such as looking at the colours of cars and also realised that even when I've been well I'm always at the mercy of my anxiety. All this made a good difference and by mid afternoon I was feeling a lot more positive which I hadn't expected. I do think that my wee attempts to bring mindfulness into it made a difference.

Also, a few nights ago I slept for about 7 hours without waking for the first time in more than 20 years.

I know this is all early days but I think mindfulness (irrespective of results) has got to be the most sensible thing I've come across and I find this forum a help in practicing it. Thank you.

Deb

[alexcr87]

Hi Deborah,

I'm glad to read this. I've been meditating myself for several years on and off but still consider that I'm a beginner that has a lot to learn. I found this forum a couple months ago and also finds that it is a help in practicing. Everything seems so calm in here, it's a little place of heaven I like a lot And yes, mindfulness is a real treasure to find in one's life.

I'm reflecting though on an aspect of your message where you say "I woke feeling anxious again and found myself looking back and longing to feel well again." I'm under the impression that the "goal" of meditation is not to feel well, as there is no goal in meditation besides seeing things as they are (and this implies seeing suffering too). I totally understand how meditation can bring some feelings of joy or calmness, but I think this is not the end goal of meditation, and we shouldn't try to reproduce an effect meditation previously had on us. I myself often find it disappointing when, after meditating, I don't feel calm or happy, etc., but I think it's one of the pitfalls you can find yourself trapped into, that is, developing expectations towards meditation. I do agree several studies in psychology have been done showing that people who meditate are activating more often the areas of their brain related to happiness, but I think it's wise to see that as a "byproduct" of meditation rather than an objective to pursue.

That being said, it's still a wonderful thing that meditation helps people suffering with depression, anxiety, etc. Speaking of byproducts, I've seen worse I think the key here lies in not looking for those feelings or mind states specifically because in that case we're already past what there is, but rather letting those unfold naturally with time without judging them.

Alex

[JonW]

...'there is no goal in meditation besides seeing things as they are (and this implies seeing suffering too). I totally understand how meditation can bring some feelings of joy or calmness, but I think this is not the end goal of meditation, and we shouldn't try to reproduce an effect meditation previously had on us.'

That's it. Exactly.
Jon

[Deborah1]

Hi Alexcr87

Thanks for your post. You are absolutely right , I know that. It is though a pitfall that keeps getting me. I think it's because so many people do benefit and I long for release from this mental pain. Ithink that it is my anxiety that causes these thoughts and not my intellect.

What I do believe is that rregardless.of 'results' I must commit to daily meditation.

Thanks
Deb

[alexcr87]

Hi again,

Sorry I didn't answer, I've been busy the last couple weeks. Regarding your last message, I'd simply go with this analogy : when you notice the suffering, observe it. I think there's a lot to observe in some places we rarely visit. It might be silly, but when my skin is itchy when meditating I try my best to resist the immediate urge to scratch, and often discover surprising things when I observe the feelings I have (sometimes they transform, or simply dissolve, etc.) Maybe you'll discover some interesting things there as well.

Happy observation

Alex

[JonW]

Great post, Alex. Spot on.
By observing that itch, we are practicing the art of being with what is, rather than needing to get rid of unpleasantness in all its forms. When we become engaged with the itch, we notice that, like everything else in our experience, it is always changing. The itch - this too will pass.
Cheers,
Jon

[Deborah1]

What you're saying fits in with my experience today and some other times I've meditated . For a good while now I've been getting pain at the top of my right leg. Tonight it started to hurt in the middle of my meditation. I deliberately focused on the pain and that made it a little easier to cope with.

That was fairly mild physical pain. I haven't tried it with mental anguish yet, partly because I'm keeping relatively well.

I'm enjoying the different experiences of meditation. I have a monkey mind (as people describe it on here) quite often but it doesn't trouble me. What is really good is that I feel totally committed to the process. I love the fact that I can't fail.

Deb