Avoding everything because of fear of what MIGHT happen

[I am happy]

In short, it's anxiety/panic disorder with agoraphobia.
I know mine thought aren't accurate and the things I fear never happen, but still it is very hard to do things when u have such thoughts. Well, it's not only thought there are some very "unpleasant" bodily sensations like.... well there is no point in describing and naming them, they are all part of the anxiety disorder

So, after reading about mindfulness I'v realized that this is the best "skill" ever for anxiety.Being able to watch mine thoughts is better then any medication or "technique" used to "cope" with panic attacks. But, I am not really sure how to practice with thoughts and I am certainly sure that I am not ready yet.
Because I am meditating for only 2 weeks ( 1 week being mantra meditation which I find useless but much easier than mindfulness ) but I do it twice a day.
At first I did it wrong, I wasn't able to keep mine spine straight so I moved a lot, right now I do several 10 minutes meditation a day and I try to bring mindfulness to mine daily life. I know this is a long road and it will take months if not even years to "master" it but I am sure it is worth it!

So, I am wondering at what point you were able to expand your focus from breath to physical sensations/thoughts and do you have any tip for someone new but willing to learn

I'v read something from book "Mindfulness in Plain English by Ven. Henepola Gunaratana" but I am not sure if I am able to post link here so I am asking is it worth getting full book in mine case ? Will I benefit from it in any way ?


And, just to make sure you understand me. I am not meditating only because I want to cure myself of panic disorder. I do it because I like it and I find it fascinating.
It is really funny when you sit for meditation and notice those random thoughts. It's like, every second thought is a life-changing and it wants me to explore it deeper
Most of them are like perfect plans for something or perfect reason to stop meditating right now and do something else instead.

[JonW]

Hello, I am happy. Welcome to the forum.
It can be challenging to get a grounding in mindfulness without some kind of structure to your practice. If it's not feasible to do a course with a local teacher, there's always the option of doing the 8-week course with the help of a book.
The one I always recommend is Finding Peace In A Frantic World by Mark Williams & Danny Penman. This comes with a CD of guided mediations - sitting meditations, body scan and mindful movement.
In the meantime, make yourself at home here on the forum and feel free to ask any questions or join in any of the numerous threads running here.
All good things,
Jon, Hove