JonW wrote:When things were tough for me last year I spent some time on takethislife.com, a depression forum. That site issues a disclaimer that reads, "Nothing on this site is a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a medical professional. While members here are well meaning, regard any and all information as for entertainment purposes only."
Well, I think that's taking things too far.
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JonW wrote:The situation has not arisen yet, at least to my knowledge, but it's easy to imagine a case where a member has pressing health issues that might better be addressed by another forum. eg. the above-named depression forum.
I'm glad to see that even though you criticize their disclaimer you used their site and you'd recommend it to others.
The point of their disclaimer is to protect them from legal liability, not because you couldn't hand out advice on the site. Two different things. If they say it's just entertainment purposes, they've distanced themselves away from it being considered legit lega/medical advice and anyone who follows advice taken from that site can't come back and sue the operators of the site.
It's actually quite smart.
JonW wrote:My opinion is that having "Advice and experiences offered on the forum are no substitute for medical advice" in our guidelines means that we can gently point this out to a member if such a situation arose.
Yep.
If I could state what I think your (moderators) positions are, they would be as follows:
1. You want this site to be of value to others and you have a genuine concern for their wellbeing.
2. You aren't 100% schooled in all the twists and turns related to mindfulness (which may be a more narrow field) and meditation (the 800lb gorilla that mindfulness is part of). (BTW, this isn't a criticism! I know very very little about Buddhism, Zen, Theravada, etc, etc, etc, my focus was always on method, not all their religious hangings - so I'm right there with you in this sense).
3. You have a concern that someone speaks outside your domain of knowledge and experience and then hurts someone on this site who listens.
I've been practicing mindfulness... I don't even know, over 15 years, but less than 20. That doesn't mean I can play the "I know more than you" card, in reverse it means I'm responsible even more to try to help you the right way.
So, all the points I make below are to help in this effort. As Fee says, I hope you take it in the same spirit it's given.
Principles:
1. The more you limit any system, the more you constrain it's growth. There's a balance. Too much constraint will stifle, even kill, growth. Too little constraint and it turns into a free-for-all.
2. If you limit your system to your ability and experience, you'll never have a system greater than yourself.
3. Synergistic systems are those that have diverse abilities, which work together to achieve more than the sum of their parts.
4. Any system constrained to it's weakest member will never be greater than it's weakest member.
#1 - Application of constraint with a continual feedback loop (evaluating and adjusting until you get the results you want) is the best way to figure out what's best. And stating upfront to all parties involved that it's a work in progress and things will probably continue to be adjusted as we move forward let's everyone breath easier even if things aren't "going their way" right now.
#2 - If as moderators you've all started mindfulness within the past few years you need to decide what to do with anyone who is beyond your experience. If you tell them they can't speak beyond your experience, you've just limited the site's productivity to your own achievement.
#3 - if you can see the value in having a varied experience then you'll seek people with diverse backgrounds and varying levels of experience and work more on "working together" rather than "limiting speech". Think about your focus. If your concern is that someone will speak outside your domain of knowledge and harm someone else, you'll limit speech and you'll eliminate any synergy you could have. It's better to look more at what the point is of what you're saying and what the outcome will be of carrying it out rather than the words themselves. And the larger the context you can place what you say within, the more you can decide correctly if it's the best thing to be said. For example, looking narrowly at someone getting hurt by "bad" advice will cause you to lock all speech down, but when you place that in the context of principles like synergy you realize it's not fitting, so then you ask a very good question: "how can we build a highly synergistic community *and* prevent harm?" And there is a way, it's quite obvious.
#4. You'll always have some members that don't like things. They will mindfully not like them, and they'll mindfully complain to you all the time about them. At some point you have to draw up "this is for whom the site is, this is for whom the site is not" And accept those "not"s when they sign up, accept ahead of time they will complain and probably leave. It's like running drug rehab. You can't help the pimps and the pushers. They have to stop doing what they're doing, that's an easy line of delineation that says the drug rehab place can't help them. You also need such lines. Drawn up in advance, accepted in advance, you'll have no issues when you have that person come around that is the complainer, or is the bully, or is .... whatever your lines are.
I think #2 and #4 are the weakest points I can see on this site.
(#2) If you don't have a lot of experience, anyone who does becomes the threat because they are always talking outside your comfort zone. They'll say "this is what the results are" and you don't know that because you're not getting them, so rather than run the risk of someone using your site to propagate something that may be wrong, you'd rather shut them down. I'm seeing that happen now.
(#4) I just about rolled on the floor when (who was it?) said they didn't like posts over 5 paragraphs long. It was nice they added they are being mindful of it, but "really?" So they're coming to a FREE website and someone else is spending all that time to type something up to help someone and they want to complain because it's "too long"? "Really?"
But I think this is indicative of what happens when we fail at #2 too much. We get this knee-jerk reaction "someone complained, we gotta fix it" And then the people that are giving FREE help decide to leave instead of sit around trying to help people that seem to do nothing but complain about it.
Consider a little more on this 5-paragraph idea. So we limit posts to 5 paragraphs. I'll just take this one post and make it into 5 HUGE paragraphs. Problem solved, right? No no no, so now we have to limit the number of words per post. Ok, so you do that in the software and now I just make 50 posts in a row, all of that exact length (like splitting messages up in multiple tweets in twitter). Problem solved, right? No no no, so now you have to set the software so that we can only do a post say, every 10 minutes. Does that solve the problem? "no no no" because there will continually be ways to get around it and only after you've completely locked it down tight where there's no more than the equivalence of "5 paragraphs" posted you'll have ran everyone off. Imagine the legalistic mind it would take to do all of that. Who wants to be in a site ran by such legalism? No one who seeks the liberty that mindfulness brings. ****THIS IS A KEY POINT I"LL PICK UP AGAIN****
How can you tell if that's happening? Go look at the user list and find ones that made a moderate number of posts in a short period of time (showing high interest) that aren't still here. This retention problem is indicative of the site having problems making people who want to help feel welcome.
A combination of failing on #2 and #4 produce a site with people who all present problems, and "well you can try this" "you can try that" type of advice is given but no one's making any significant progress, because if they do, they get out of the comfort zone (#2) and then those that don't like it complain (#4) and then without balance of constraint (#1) the ones that progress, progress right out of the community.
Now to change subject.
I'd like to address the "religiosity" of the word "enlightenment". Before that word though, perhaps we should visit "meditation". I was raised christian, and I began meditation 20-ish years ago while I was in a fundamentalist christian church. Naturally my meditation wasn't sanctioned by the church and I had to do it even in private from my wife. That's because they all thought anyone who sat around with their eyes closed focused on their breathing, "worshiped buddha" (yep, they all think that buddha is a diety). Through my practice I found that actually meditation wasn't just a buddhist thing, but that christian contemplatives had practiced for hundreds of years. But I knew how touchy the word and practice was to the people I was with at the time so I never even tried to tell them anything about it. I kept it a secret.
Now, is "meditation" religious? No, an atheist can do it with no qualm, it's focus has nothing to do with religion whatsoever. Do religions incorporate meditation as one of their core practices? of course. But religions also incorporate eating certain foods, having certain holiday practices, etc. So should we now not discuss eating because it's a religious practice? Should we now not mention Christmas because it's pagan-christian origins?
Here's a statement you may end up with on your site if you think all this censorship is great: "Hey, I'm taking you-know-what-day off and going to you-know-what with my relatives at the dinner table, but I'm also going to make sure I have some mindfulness time alone in my room when I you-know-what-I-do-sitting-on-my-cushion"
If you're not laughing at how ridiculous it is, then take a deep breath. You may be too wound up reading what I'm writing. Oh wait. I just realized, I went over 5 paragraphs a long time ago... Some of you guys have already given up reading. (sigh)
Now back to the seriousness of my point, "meditation" while used in some religions as a core practice has no "religiosity" in itself. And I'll argue that neither do enlightenment and awakening.
When you begin to be mindful you become aware of the thoughts and feelings coming up. One of the first realizations is that just because I feel ____ doesn't mean I have to just go along with it. I can just accept that feeling has come up and still be "OK" until it passes.
This, my dear friends, is an enlightenment. Enlightenment isn't some mystical light shining out of the sky and you gazing upwards to see some angel come down and touch your forehead with a wand that opens some mystical other-worldly experience to you.
Enlightenment is just a realization of a truth. Anyone that knows me knows I don't believe in anything mystical. You won't catch me talking about gods, angels, devils, heavens, hells, reincarnation, demiurges, etc from the viewpoint that I believe they are real or personalities, etc. From my experience, enlightenment is totally non-mystical and I'd imagine just about everyone that is reading this far in my post has already had a number of them. Maybe you just didn't call it that. Maybe you called it "insight" or some other word. Of course, religions have kidnapped these words and used them, just like meditation, but that doesn't mean it's a religious experience. They also kidnapped food, but I see we eat every day without any religious context.
Now you on this site, and moderators, may feel uncomfortable with a word like enlightenment, or insight, because you'd never thought about it within the context I'm giving, and I can understand that. That's why I'm inviting you to deeply think about what you're doing when you begin to introduce censorship.
Consider, if I'm true in my assertion of enlightenments and you censor me, have you harmed me? By far no, I'm happy to go where I'm accepted. Have you limited yourself? Yes.
If I'm false in my assertion of enlightenments and you don't censor me, have you harmed me? By far no. Have you limited yourself? No. And in due time you'll figure me out as a fake. How will you do that?
Well, if you don't have the experience, you simply gain it. Over time if I'm false you'll find what I say doesn't work.
And this is my recommendation on all censorship. A "caveat emptor" should be placed on such a site as this, with the high recommendation to all those who are new to take their time getting to know people, reading their posts, watching their interactions, seeing the results that others have from following this advice or that before they just head-long dive in to any change of practice. And then when people take advantage of your liberty and post things with ill-result, censor them if not out-right block them from the site.
Remember that "KEY POINT" up above, that those who practice mindfulness seek liberty? Eventually the censorship rules you impose will only run off those who are liberated. Mindfulness liberates you from control and from controlling others, once you've been freed from internal control you'll do what's proper and right, and you'll avoid all those who seek to impose their control on you. Even locking this site all the way down (which I don't think anyone wants) will still be able to help a few, but once they hit the glass ceiling imposed by your controls, they'll leave and continue growing.
Look around, do you have more people stuck in the same place looking for help or do you have more people that have worked through issues? Just think about it. If you don't have (many) that have worked through issues you've got to ask yourself why. Either the methods you're all using don't work (but I know they do, and I think you do too) or they do work and the people leave. It can't be neither.
Whatever your final decision is on censorship, make sure it's uniform. I was told my video on the 3 meditations I do in practicing mindfulness wasn't appropriate for the site because it gave instruction, yet others are able to post teaching links, recommend books, etc, all which also contain instruction. Your treatment is not equitable.
I won't go into awakening, other to say it also is just an enlightenment. It's the realization of a particular view, just like all enlightenments before it and all enlightenments that come after. It's literally "waking up" to see things as they are. This doesn't have any mysical, other-worldly, gods-n-dieties, etc, connotation. It's just an enlightenment on how this whole thing actually works. Quite liberating when it finally settles in.
One last thing I recommend, be more direct. There's a "politically correct, not wanting anyone to be upset" mentality that lends itself to never talk directly to the person for whom you're posting. Instead some generic "we're uncomfortable" post gets made with no clear instruction or application. Of course to "name names" in public isn't always best, but that's what PM is for and if the person doesn't listen to you in PM, then you start taking measures publicly. It's a progression from the most private methods to correct a problem to the most public. Were I a moderator, I would want a step-by-step how to deal with someone who's posting breaks the site guidelines. And it would start from PM and editing offending posts, to public postings directly stopping/countering what is not wanted, to eventual banning.
Enjoy yourself,
Omni