Everyday Mindfulness

Hi All,

I'm reaching out to the community to see if anyone else has come across my symptoms. (I'm not looking for advise - just seeing if I'm alone with this).

I have sufferred from general anxiety all my life - now in my fifth decade.
During these five decades I have had five episodes of extreme anxiety caused by life events (events that many of us has, more than likely, come across - nothing horrible just life's twists and turns). As I say I'm an anxious person, when life is good I'm simply negative, but when going through one of these life events my anxiety gets totally out of hand.

During the first four of these episodes I was always able to sleep. That changed during the last anxious episode in Feb 2016.
Since Feb 2016 I have not had a natural nights sleep. I need sleep aids to get a night of light sleep. If I do not use an aid - I simply do not sleep at all. Not a single night of natural sleep in over 3 years.

The last time I was able to sleep during an extreme anxious episode was September 2014.

It was after/during September 2014 that I discovered Mindfulness. OMG!!! I could not believe it - I got an enormouse confidence boost from mindfulness up until Feb 2016.
Those 15-16 months was the best period in my life. Anxiety disappeared totally and utterly - life was good.

Then in Feb 2016 and another huge life event resulted in my anxiety going through the roof.

What changed between the fifth episode and the other four episodes? Nothing much changed except that I was practising Mindfulness every day.

However, I'm beginning to think that Mindfulness caused my insomnia.
The most difficult thing I found with mindfulness was confronting my mistakes/life events from the past and learning to accept them. It simply did not fit with who I am - I always thought that that part of mindfulness (acceptance) could allow a person to literally forgive themselves the most henous crimes. However the book said do it so I did it and it really helped me. However I now have the most horrific insomnia and I still have anxiety.

As I say I'm simply putting this out there to see if anyone else is in the same boat. Mindfulness may have caused your insomnia?

Best wishes.

Hi!

I'm very sorry to hear about your insomnia. I know what it's like as I had it for many years.

Actually, I found the opposite is true for me but everyone's different & things affect different people in different ways.

I found getting in a nice, hot/warm bath with lavender oil/bubble bath then having a nice cup of Horlicks, ovaltine, Bovril or strawberry or raspberry tea make me sleep better but I'm not a Dr. so I'm just telling you what works for me. Some people say chamomile tea works for them but I don't like chamomile. I hope this helps.

Ann.

Hi ohtosleepagain1,

Welcome to the site. And thanks for sharing your story.

In my experience mindfulness can help with sleep, but it can also make it harder in a sense. Depending on the state one is in, a different approach is helpful. It takes mindfulness to know when to use what. Let me explain. To put oneself in the spotlight too much, especially in times of extreme anxiety, often works counter productive. At such times it is often better to check in with one's experiences once in a while to stay in touch, but for the most part to distract oneself, preferably with hard physical labor. This approach has been employed by Budhhist monks for millenia and in my experience this truly is the best approach. So if we define mindfulness as being aware of what's going on, and acting appropriately, then mindfulness is helpful in almost all aspects of life. Also sleep. This is also true for meditation. When one is extremely anxious, it's probably better to not meditate on our thoughts and feelings for too long. Better to do it shortly, and to then meditate on something like sounds.

ohtosleepagain1 wrote:It simply did not fit with who I am - I always thought that that part of mindfulness (acceptance) could allow a person to literally forgive themselves the most henous crimes.

I think you may have misunderstood this a bit. The idea is to accept the current moment. If one had done a henous crime, at the moment of realization, it would certainly be the current situation. For better or worse, there's no way around it. Fighting this truth brings us absolutely nothing. After this acceptance, we can think of what to do. You may feel that non-forgiveness is appropriate and deserved, but in reality it brings nobody anything. But maybe we can feel compassion for people who got hurt, and try to bring kindness to them, or if not accepted, just extend our best wishes and intentions to others.

Hi ohtosleepagain1,
Other than to say that I agree with Peter's wise assessment, I'd like to ask you a little about your mindfulness practice.
What kind of meditations do you do and for how long each day? Does your practice include body scans, walking meditation, mindful movement or anything else?
Also, have you addressed your sleep hygiene? This would include not drinking coffee or any other stimulant after a certain hour, avoiding social media and too much stimulating TV in the evening, making changes to your bedroom etc.
Cheers,
Jon