My meditation journal

[JonW]

"Apparently there's a technique called NDSI, but I don't want to read anything instructional about meditation just yet."

I'd gently caution in terms of getting NDSI (Non-Dual Self Enquiry) confused with mindfulness practice.
Mindfulness is not about working towards a non-dual state or indeed working towards any state in particular. It's simply a disciplined way of learning to pay attention to everything that is arising within. It's not about what we are supposed to be feeling or trying to induce anything at all. It's about being with what is already here.
I say this not to be critical in any way, only to avoid confusion if any newcomers are following this thread.
All best,
Jon

[mickeytee]

Tried to sit, but got up in 5 minutes.

I had a rough day today. I feel broken, and feel like I can't go on. My first reaction was to try and fix this, but I already know enough self help material, it's just empty knowledge I can't use, and seeking out more or reading won't help.

The only thing I can do now is watch this. I'm just going to lie in bed and observe.

[FeeHutch]

I stopped journalling my meditations quite early on because I realised the thought of what I'd write totally distracted me from actually meditating. Plus they were getting very repetitive: 'tried to meditate but couldn't focus' etc. It's a matter of finding what works for you.

You are aware of what you are doing and what you aren't doing and that is the very base of mindfulness. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

[mickeytee]

The thought of having to journal the experience does distract from the act of meditating. You're right, I think I'm only going to post here when something really interesting happens. Or when I hit a long streak.

[joe_the_meditator]

I've been journaling my meditations at least daily for about 6 weeks now. At first it was a big distraction, but it's starting to become a normal part of the process now.

I've published them here: https://mymeditationjournal.com/ - Happy to answer questions on it, if this approach can help someone else.

[JonW]

Thanks Joe.
An interesting read though, as a mindfulness teacher, I wouldn't recommend this approach.
Too goal-oriented and far too much consideration towards making 'progress'. It's as though each meditation is being rated in some way - e.g. today's being compared to yesterday's. It sounds like yet more striving, rather than simply being present with whatever arises in experience.
Also, I don't believe it's really possible to be present during meditation whilst making mental notes about what to include later in a journal.
But if it works for you, that's great.
All best,
Jon

[Peter]

I agree with, Jon. It seems too detailed. A bit obsessive even. Could it be another method to get some control?

I think journaling could be very helpful. I know Matt (forum member) uses it. I'm curious to know how he uses it. I think I'll ask him if he'd like to chip in.

[Matt Y]

Thanks for the invitation to chip in Peter.

As with meditation and mindfulness in general, I think it's easy to make a lot of assumptions about what journalling entails — and to bring one's own ideas / misconceptions to the practice.

Just to clarify. I don't religiously journal and I don't suggest that one should. However, I have journalled at times and I often do on retreat, even if the retreat is only for one day. One can journal periodically, as one goes to the doctor now and then for a check up.

First up, you can journal for many reasons. However, the primary purpose for journalling, as I see it, is to become more aware of the choices and decisions one makes during meditation, or just to become more aware (or mindful) in general. Typically, people who journal also become more curious, accepting and kind within their practice (often because they learn where they are not).

The fact is, it's easy to sit down to meditate, and to get up 20 minutes later with little recollection of what happened, or what you were doing. The so-called present moment is very complex, and it's not possible to be aware of everything that's going on in real time. Sometimes you need to look back over your experience to see what was actually going on.

By journalling, reflecting upon or discussing your meditation with someone you can begin to become aware of patterns that might otherwise remain invisible to you. You might begin to see the subtle ways in which you resist certain experiences, and the various strategies you employ to avoid discomfort. For example, you might learn that you have a tendency to come back to the breath every time you think about a particular person or event, or when certain memories arise.

In this way, journalling can become your teacher.

Nearly everyone finds the thought of journalling distracting initially. The meditation might be filled with thoughts of what you'll write, or with an effort to remember what's happening. This in itself is a valuable lesson and something you can be mindful of. You are learning about how your mind works. This is not something you need to stop, or dismiss. However, the solution is very simple. You just meditate as you normally would, making no effort to remember what's going on, trusting that you will have some memory of what happened — and you can just journal about that.

I don't believe that journalling, per se, contributes to unhelpful striving. Such attitudes are probably already present within the meditator. Nor do I believe that progress and presence are mutually exclusive. Journalling can be done with interest and curiosity (and other beneficial attitudes), and without striving or other unrealistic expectations. Even more usefully, journalling may help one to recognise the striving that is going on unconsciously within your meditation practice.

The key to all this is how you journal. Some people just keep a record of what they did.

e.g. Monday April 17. 7:00 - 7:20am. 20 minute sit.
Breath meditation.

It doesn't hurt to record these details, but what's most useful is an honest reflection on what was experienced, especially one's thoughts and emotions and one's reactions to them.

Finally, if your journal entries are repetitive I might suggest that there's something valuable in that. You might ask what beliefs or attitudes (about meditation) you're holding on to, or have subscribed to without question. It could indicate that your practice has stagnated and provide an early warning that things need to change in order for you to remain interested in your practice. I think most people need some sense of development, progress or growth otherwise we'll just give up.

[Peter]

Thanks a lot, Matt. I appreciate you taking the time to chip in. Very interesting contribution! I certainly believe that you are right about journaling. I think it can help a lot with insight. I do experience some pressure to remember things when I know that I need to reflect later on in group meditations. I get insights during the meditation and think 'I hope I'm going to remember this'. Very often 50% is gone after the meditation. But as you said, that's an experience too to be aware of. And I expect that pressure to be less with journaling for oneself.

What do you think of the way 'joe_the_meditator' does it? Have you maybe some examples from your journaling?

[JonW]

Thanks Matt. That was very helpful.
I can see that your approach to journaling is very different from Joe's.
I can see the value in recording thoughts in order to facilitate insight. It's the more forensic, overly goal-oriented approach I would question.
I particularly liked this paragraph: 'You just meditate as you normally would, making no effort to remember what's going on, trusting that you will have some memory of what happened — and you can just journal about that.'
In my own case, I keep a diary in which I simply record my meditation 'activity' - e.g. 'Tuesday. 45 minute body scan. 20 mins walking meditation.' I also jot down useful thoughts from time to time, though those are mainly ideas that I think might be useful in my teaching.
Best wishes,
Jon