I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to have found this forum. I feel like I’ve been searching for a similar space to share my journey for quite some time, and to have finally found this site has immediately eased some of the anxiety I’ve been carrying with me in the recent past.
I’ll start with a brief introduction about myself: I’m from Australia, blessed with a gorgeous family that I love and who love me. Life is good, in that we’re surrounded by a loving family and from a material perspective we have a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food in our belly’s.
In a most confounding way I’ve found that despite life gaining more and more consistency relative to the things that I thought mattered most i.e. family, the quality of relationships I hold dear, and the capacity for me to feed and protect my family I’ve observed an increase in my levels of anxiety, frustrations and fears.
These thoughts and feelings seem centred around expectations and standards I have of myself, and that others have of me. Sometimes the most mundane act can trigger quite uncomfortable feelings and sensations of anxiety if and when it doesn’t measure up to my own expectations. These acts are at times relatively involuntary and outside of my control: for example maintaining eye contact with someone, or are a little more structured but no less foreboding in the way they make me feel e.g. delivering a piece of work as part of my job that doesn’t measure up in terms of quality, speed or expectations.
As such, I now find myself in a space where my peace of mind is being compromised daily. As I mentioned above, the anxiety surfaces in the moment: I could be talking to someone and immediately a thought enters my head about ensuring I don’t say something silly or stupid and my focus shifts and I’m caught up in a paradigm of unconscious awkwardness as my mind tries to juggle the conversation I’m having with the fear of it going awry. Similarly the most structured areas in my life also appear to be caught up in this with my mind almost automatically starting catastrophise things when faced with the smallest hurdle or obstacle.
Resilience and vulnerability are traits I’ve struggled with my whole life, I have, until now, been able to counter that through my own personal energy and drive. That though seems to be on short supply of late.
To counter all of this I’ve reaffirmed my commitment to mindfulness. I meditate on most days, alternating between guided meditation and meditation that focuses on my breathing and it seems to help: but of course I have good days and bad ones.
I’m hoping to use this forum to gain some more insight into how I may continue to detach myself from the worries, fears and anxieties that seem to be hanging around me more and more of late by adopting a practice of mindfulness in what is becoming an increasingly stressful and anxious world.
Thank you for taking the time to read this rather long introduction and I look forward to becoming an active contributor of this community.
Sincerely,
Nomad
