I rediscovered mindfulness, as my marriage fell apart.

[kennylee82]

Not all marriage are made to last. That's the realization I had when I signed my divorce paper barely two years after exchanging marriage vows. Cutting off a relationship that stems from 9 years back shattered me emotionally and spiritually.

But I had it coming. I was living a life of inflated ego for the first 3 decades of my life. I prided over my intellectual knowledge and it shows in every single aspect of my life. I made little friends in the corporate life, as I bulldozed my way to the top of my career in the engineering industry.

Ignorance
I thought being a brilliant designer made me entitled to be a great entrepreneur. I made one of the most reckless decision in my life. Quitting my job to chase the entrepreneur dream for the wrong reasons. I refuse to work under a boss, wanted my free time and thought it's all about getting rich.

I refused to acknowledge that I knew nothing about entrepreneurship. My inflated ego prevented me from asking help which I badly needed. Eventually, my stubbornness paid its price with the collapse of my marriage as I spent every single bit of my time, saving a business doom to fail.

Falling
The day I signed the divorce paper was the darkest point of my life. As my marriage shattered, the small business that I'm running crumbles as well. I simply can't pay enough attention to my business in this emotional state. Every single pillar that my life was built upon was uprooted at its very foundation.

I plunged into a series of depressive spell that I occasionally still slipped into. When I hit rock bottom, I know that the only way out is going up. I knew I have to step up from the deep abyss of dark depression I was in. I realized it was not an easy feat, and I simply cannot remain the same person as I was.

Mindfulness
I remembered that meditation was once a part of my life, although that was a decade ago. And I decided to bring mindfulness practice back in my life. After all, living mindlessly has caused me nothing but chaos and destruction.

Mindfulness practice has enabled me to channel my thoughts to the present, giving my mind a break from the dark memories that often haunt me at night or the endless worries of what lies for me tomorrow.

Change
Mindfulness is not a miracle pill that solves every single problem overnight. But it's a habit of practice that allows me to really look within myself and rebuild my life from the ashes. I became aware of how my ego has caused so much hurt and pain in my life. I decided not to be a slave to my ego and reached within for a higher purpose in life.

I found a new passion in helping others and by doing so, it increased my own healing. I have denounced my old beliefs that shaped me to who I was. Back then, I would never write an article that bares my soul like this. Neither would I step up on a stage for public speaking and hosting corporate events.

Mindfulness allows me to say goodbye to my egoistic self, and I'm looking forward to more humble lessons that life could teach.

Anger
Before my divorce, I lived my life engulfed in the flame of anger. Perhaps it was my competitive nature or maybe just the fact that I'm used to getting my own way. I would not hesitate to punish and avenge for any wrong did to me.

Forgiveness was never in my dictionary. After having my marriage torn apart, I learned forgiveness as it's impossible to live with the guilt and regret. In doing so, I found that the spiteful part of me vanished as well.

Mindfulness
I could go on endlessly with the transformation that I've gone through. But I feel it’s much better to share a few tips or two about practical mindfulness in our daily life. It is a simple concept of living in the present, yet difficult to master even to most meditators.

In practice, mindfulness is more than being attentive to the present. By practicing mindfulness, you’ll be able to detach your thoughts from emotional reactions, which is something I find helpful in managing triggers of memories after my divorce.

This is also a very effective practice that ground me to my reality, instead of looking back at past regrets, wallowing in self-pity or having endless doubts and worries of the future. It all start with a simple action of watching my breath.

Basic Mindfulness Practice
Is it easy to get started with mindfulness practice? I would say yes. But is it easy to master mindfulness in your life? No. Unless you would practice diligently and not get discouraged even when there are some days where you would be less ‘mindful. It’s all about determination, self-discipline and having the best intention.

Here’s a simple mindfulness 15 minutes exercise you can do to bring this habit into your life.
1. Close your eyes and bring your attention to your breath.
2. At every inhale and exhale, be aware of the sensation you’re feeling. You can label it as warm, cold, itchy, or anything but don’t be judgemental about it. It is neither good nor bad.
3. When you find your mind wanders away to thoughts of the past or future, gently bring your attention back to your breathing again.

Mindfulness In Daily Life.
Of course, if we kept the mindfulness practice to simple exercises alone, we wouldn’t see the true transformation that it’s going to bring to us in our daily life. Here’s a few part of our life where we can easily bring mindfulness in.

Driving or Commuting - Instead of having our mind wandering around in our daily 30 minutes ride, bring awareness to what we’re experiencing in our present. It will spare us some of the commuting stress that drain us out by the time we reach our destination.

Eating - This is the part where I struggle the most, yet I find myself benefit greatly in health and have a more fulfilling meal if I managed to be mindful. I set an intention to decrease my pace of eating, and be aware of every single action in the process of eating, instead of gobbling up the food as a whole.

Conversation - Relationships often failed because of miscommunication or totally lack of it. With communication issue being the root of the downfall of my marriage, I’m big in being more mindful of my words, and also actually listening instead of reacting to the conversation I’m in.

The message that I wanted to share is, you have to practice mindfulness to really see the beauty and the power of transformation. Have you brought mindfulness into your life?

[Gareth]

Thanks, Kenny. Is it Kenny?

It's great to hear your story. This can be a truly life-changing practice.

[kennylee82]

Thanks, Kenny. Is it Kenny?

It's great to hear your story. This can be a truly life-changing practice.

Hi Gareth.
Yes it's Kenny. The second time I took back mindfulness and meditation in my life, it has a different meaning. And it feels different.