Everyday Mindfulness

All I am is fear-of-dying. I don't try to be mindful. Perhaps because I don't want to be fooled again, into thinking everything might be ok. It isn't and it never will be, that is the situation we find ourselves in. It's absurd. We can't change it. I'd like to be alone less. I really struggle to fin...

It's amazing just how screwed up and alone you can feel inside without anyone else knowing or seeing. These are the reasons I need to help myself. Other people can't. I have been stuck on mindfulness as I can get stuck on anything.... anything. No amount of rule-making, reassurance-seeking and compe...

I'm not really on board with the clouds but I can see it as a thought or experience I don't need to hold on to. Well I can now. When I'm stuck, I'm stuck and it's very, well, stuck. It's sad I've spent so much of my life in such a way.

I woke in the middle of the night finding myself sitting upright saying/realising 'I don't want to die' 'What is the point in living if I am just going to die?'
This has happened before but not for a while. It's horrible.

I am aware often. People have told me that. The extremes of anxiety at present stop me from being able to do anything because the physical feeling is so overwhelming... and often it's coming from (hopefully) unnecessary ideas.... for example that my parents or boyfriend are going to desert me, that ...

I guess my ability to be mindful of all the horrible feelings in my body somehow turned back into a feeling I needed to tolerate them. I'm angry at mindfulness and the people who brought it to me. I'm angry at my body for not allowing me to do what I need to. I'm angry at my boyfriend, my parents an...

Thank you. I think I will keep posting as I am alone a lot at the moment and it feels scarey sometimes being on my own so much when I feel this way. I'm afraid I will go more out of control than I ever did before because of this. Relying only on myself feels so hard, as if I have lost strength I had...

It does hurt. A lot.

Hi, I'd not really taken it as direct judgement on me, just the fact that it could be got the defensive response going. I can be quite reasonable, but right now I'm not. I'm sort of in a place where I can't feel ok enough about myself to carry on with it. It was gonna happen I guess, and I guess I'l...

I don't like the idea that it's not for everyone. Although, right now I think it's maybe got some dangers. It's not a person. It's a thing. If other people believe in me, I can do it. When they don't, I can't. I've gone right off myself.